


Spaces Between Us

by forgetmenotsassenach



Category: Outlander (TV)
Genre: 1x05, F/M, season one, what could of happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24341515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetmenotsassenach/pseuds/forgetmenotsassenach
Summary: An alternative ending to the scene where Jamie sleeps outside Claire's door in 1x05.
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser
Comments: 6
Kudos: 79





	Spaces Between Us

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to Leticia who asked if anyone could rewrite the scene where Jamie sleeps outside Claire's door in episode 1x05. 
> 
> I've never written in Claire's POV before so I hope it's okay! (Please let me know, I'd appreciate the feedback)
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this alternative ending and hope you do too! 
> 
> Disclaimer: The dialogue at the start has been taken directly from the show (1x05)

“You can’t sleep out here...at least come into the room... it’s warmer” I suggested, the bitter, cold air was already eating away at my revealed skin through my shift and I couldn’t imagine Mac would be much warmer neither. The room I was told to sleep in was more than big enough for us both to be inside without needing to be too close. 

“Sleep in your room with ye? Your reputation will be ruined Sassenach” he choked, the claim alone causing him evident discomfort. I noticed him take several steps away from me at that point; the fear of him being found near my door now seemed to worry him. 

I couldn’t help but laugh at his modesty. Almost wanting to try to push him further to agree to enter my room just to see his reaction. “You’ve slept under the stars with me before” I added. “With a dozen men too”. 

“It’s not the same thing at all!” he said all too quickly back. Instantly I knew his pride would overcome his desire for warmth and comfort. He had been used to sleeping wherever he could for such a long time and the idea of sleeping one night in a cosy room didn’t seem a big enough pry for him. Especially for his morals or those he seemed to value of mine. 

“Fine” I huffed, blowing the wandering curls that had fallen down my face away. I couldn’t help but feel sad. I had gotten used to having people sleep around me. Yes, he was only outside and I was grateful to have the protection even if I hadn’t requested it. I had seen the men several times when they were drunk so I knew what they got like and I wouldn’t wish it on any woman who wasn’t keen. I suppose it wasn’t til now I realised that when we did all sleep together he often chose a spot closer to me than the rest of the men, maybe he’d been protecting me for longer than I knew? 

I didn’t give him time to say any more excuses why he’d choose the bitter cold against my values and slammed the door shut, letting my hand linger for a second. I debated whether or not to open it and apologise for pushing him so much when all he wanted to do was something kind. I had clearly blurred the lines between us now and I knew my own values were somewhat modern compared to his. Not that I’d willingly sleep with another man but I hadn’t quite thought of the implications that could have both on my own release and his reputation. 

I walked back to the bed, hoping if I got into it and went to sleep I’d forget about the awkward situation I had just put Mac into. I was about to climb into the bed when I heard what I thought sounded like a light tap at the door, I almost mistook it for a crack in the floorboards as I made my back way but I heard it again. This time eyeing up the door waiting for the next sound to appear. 

“Yes?” I called out. I wasn’t moving again to open the door. My good deed had already gone unnoticed and despite offending him I hadn’t meant too and I knew he understood that. I was widening the gap even more between myself and this time by my lack of virtue for myself and now Mac had seen that first hand. 

I waited a moment, a part of me terrified Mac had gone and left and the other that it could be someone else now trying to get in, just like Mac had suggested. I threw my legs out of the bed, the blanket flying to the other side of the floor as I crept even quieter than before towards the door. I slowly pulled the handle and allowed the wooden device to open once again and knew that whatever was on the other side of the door needed to be resolved so I could sleep. I knew Dougal planned to move to the next village as soon as light hit and at this rate, I would be getting no more than a few hours sleep. I didn’t fancy being pissed off and exhausted. 

“What?” 

the familiar eyes looked up at mine, staring widely and almost childlike. He hid his face as soon as I caught his intense bewitched stare. His eyes made my knees feel weak and a sudden flutter in my stomach grew. It was the same when he looked at me earlier with that same grin I had grown irresistible too. 

“It’s about to thunder... I can feel it” he claimed, picking up the blanket I had given him earlier from the cold ground. 

I raised my eyebrow, my entire face expressing clearly my confusion as to how a Scotsman’s would know such things. I had heard various people talking about these things though as we went through the vast majority of villages, somewhere able to predict bad seasons and crops, other when wolves would be near so they could hide and protect their livestock. It seemed to be a version of folktales I hadn’t yet learnt about. It was now more than ever I wished Frank were here so he could tell me about them and explain how they came to be. 

“If your offer is still...” he was stumbling over his words, trying his best to ask for the help he needed, the shelter from the storm he predicted and yet he couldn’t quite finish his sentence. I could see his eyes fighting the pride he held and kept. 

I nodded and he understood my reply because as soon he took a step inside the room beside me a loud crash and massive flash of light covered the sky as far as the eyes could see. Within seconds I heard the intense sound of rain hitting the roof, so loud that I thought the roof might crumble and fall and that I’d be safer outside to fend against the elements. He looked up at me again this time a smirk appeared across his face as he simply shrugged his shoulders as if to say I told you so. I had wanted to ask questions, it was the nurse inside me who desired a wealth and expanding sense of knowledge and understanding beyond my comprehension. A desire to analysis and learn. But I had begun to learn from my time already in this place that something’s wouldn’t ever be truly understood or discovered. 

I watched as Mac grabbed the blanket I had given him outside and moved it closer to the burnt-out fire pit. Despite it being out it still gave off a little heat as it cooled down, enough to satisfy him till he found a deep sleep and it wouldn’t matter anymore. 

Without another word, he laid it out neatly and curled himself around it on the floor. I retreated back to the bed; almost tiptoeing as to avoid disturbing him. I knew he had been sleeping less than I had recently as I every time I woke up I’d see him sat up wide-awake staring at the sky. I often wanted to ask if he knew what he was looking at. 

Finding the discarded blanket I had thrown in a fit I curled it back around my body and put my head onto the pillow. The lamp I had used was off again and near Mac, leaving us in complete darkness.

“Why did you come to my door tonight?” I almost whispered into the dark. I wasn’t sure if he was still awake, though his breathing wasn’t heavy like he was in a deep sleep yet. I waited for a response, allowing the silence to confirm my suspicions he had already fallen asleep and tossed further into my pillow. My eyes were shut when I heard him reply back softly to me, almost startling me. 

“I told ye Sassenach… I didn’t want no harm to come to ye” 

I believed him straight away. From the start, he’d been the only one to show me any kindness. I understood why I hadn’t received a fancy welcome being English in the castle and with the rest of the men, but without prejudice or judgment I had found Mac to be kind and almost caring as he declared himself a friend in a world that seemed to lack those. I had gone to him when I needed someone to just talk too and interact with and found him to be an amazing patient to deal with, though slightly stubborn at times. 

Another crash in the distance boomed followed by an intense bright light that managed to fill all the empty spaces in the room, enlightening it up. I felt my body shudder and shake as it consumed me like I’d been hit by the strikes rather than then woods a few miles away that seemed like a beacon for the storm to aim and fire at. 

“You’re not scared of the storm are ye Sassenach?” I could hear the teasing tone to his voice but the overall concern, which was mixed in. 

“No,” I said almost too quickly back, whether it was to convince myself or Mac I wasn’t sure. I curled my arms around my body holding myself tighter than before as another crash came. My hands flying to my ears to try block out the sound as it came again almost too quickly for me to bare. My irrational fear had been managed, as since I arrived there hadn’t been a storm or at least not one as severe as this. 

“Sassenach I can practically hear the bed shaking from over here!” he observed. I remained silent, my fears and anxieties overtaking as they always did. Frank hadn’t seemed to ever understand my fears of storms and at night would simply roll over in our bed reminding me of the trauma I had seen in the wars and how a silly storm shouldn’t scare me more than what I witnessed. I almost agreed with him, the things I had seen were not like anything else, probably worse than his war experiences. I had watched men take their final breathes and knowing I couldn’t do a single thing to help despite holding their hands and say comforting words of heaven and other Christian phrases I’d grown up to hear. 

“When was the first time you realised you were scared of storms?” He asked me, I could hear him shuffling on the floor presumably moving around to find a warmer part of the blanket. 

I sighed deeply, closing my eyes. I felt vulnerable telling him the answer more than I did living through them. Whether it was for fear of judgment I wasn’t sure but there was something inside me that told me I could trust him and that it would be good to show him some of my vulnerabilities, that to talk about this with someone who wasn’t going to make me feel in superior. 

“I don’t really know when it started… I think I’ve always been scared of storms…I was with my uncle Lamb and we were umm camping outside. There was a huge storm and I was alone and” I had tried to explain the memory without giving to many details of my adventures with uncle Lamb, remembering that to Mac some of the things I could mention would of been almost revolutionary compared to these times, his profession and tasks were not yet heard of either was the notion. “I’ve always been alone for storms” I concluded, a thousand thoughts of realisation hitting me all at once. It was like a metaphor for my existence. 

“Why were you on your own Sassenach? Did your Uncle Lamb not comfort you?” His question had been one of pure desire, confusion almost that he didn’t understand why I’d be on my own so young, though I hadn’t said my age I knew he understood I was referring to my childhood rather than infancy. Mac hadn’t spoken much or at all about his family but I believed it to be a good and whole one, maybe just by the way he spoke and addressed others. His caring nature extended far. 

“My uncle wasn’t very good at that sort of stuff” I replied, feeling the sting all over again of having to mourn my parents alone. Uncle Lamb had been there after they passed away; he gave me a good education and experiences of a lifetime, yet it was the simple human cravings I desired such as touch and love. He had loved me but not in the way a parent would, he hadn’t ever wanted children I knew that much and loved the uncle role he had until my parents weren’t there, so he knew he couldn’t leave me. Whether it was for his conscience or my sake I don’t know. 

I regretted instantly my flood of emotion and words for all I could hear was silence. I had overshared for the first and only time with someone I barely knew.  
“My brother Willie was terrified of storms just like ye. My ma would hold him so tightly at night we’d find her there in the mornings” he relayed. I had often dreamed of my own mother hugging me like this, never letting go and leaving me again, my father too.

More crashes and streams of lights continued to flood into the small room. I shook more, this time I could see my own body shaking, the thin blanket covering me was almost taking flight as the air got underneath. I heard several footsteps as the floorboards creaked as loudly as they could for someone trying to be as silent as they were. The bed seemed to feel heavy in the vacant space next to me, like the mattress was being compressed down. I felt my heartbeat increase and my stomach animated by the possibilities. 

“May I... Claire?” He asked me before proceeding closer to me on the bed. The darkness helped matters as we couldn’t see each other but it also meant he accidentally stroked up and down my breast when trying to find my arm to help locate where I was lying in the middle of the bed. I knew I shouldn’t of felt as excited as I did but I didn’t want to stop it neither. The touch upon my skin had been enough to send me in a complete frenzy and instant relaxation. 

Within seconds I felt him strong arms wrap around my body, pulling me tightly and almost crushing my petite frame against the warmth of his chest. I allowed my head to go limb into the crook of his neck, where it fit perfectly and listened as he spoke in Gaelic to me. His soft tones was like music and in minutes I found myself beginning to stop shaking and my heartbeat slowing back down to its normal pace. Despite the signs showing that I was getting calmer his arms and grip around my body didn’t alter and I didn’t regret that I was happy about it. I had craved this type of touch more than I realised, more than when I was a child. Frank used to hold me sometimes and often it was when I asked him too but this was different. My entire body had merged into his, making me feel whole and as one. 

The rain gained speed again as it hit hard against the roof. The drops could be heard as they found there a way in through the cracks of the old building I had been put in. “What were you saying to me?” I asked. I had begun to pick up basic Gaelic but I was nowhere translating yet. Unlike the others, Mac had never teased or seemed to tease me by speaking in Gaelic around me. I had hoped to ask for some lessons so I could at least join in with conversations or more so I knew what they were saying about me. 

He remained quiet... before whispering into my ear as his lips gently touched the side of my face, feeling my skin melt into his. “I said a phrase my ma would say to brother Sassenach” his husky voice overtaking the images in my brain. “It means you’re safe now” I could feel his cheeks getting hotter as he repeated the sacred words but in a language I knew. I couldn’t help but feel my own copying his. I had definitely felt safer in the last few minutes than I had felt in a long time and especially since being in this land. 

He went to move out of the bed when my hand grabbed his involuntarily to stop him moving. I couldn’t lose his touch, not yet at least. He’d already came into the room, and then my bed to comfort me, I knew he’d make sure there was no trace in the morning that he’d been here so I wanted him to stay as long as he could. 

“Don’t go, ” I begged. I didn’t know what part of me stopped him for I knew my mind was reminding me constantly that I had a husband waiting for me, but it also screamed that my body had needed this for so long. 

“Aye Sassenach” that was all he needed to hear to stay by side. His lips gently pressed against the top of my head and I could feel the shadow of his face drawing lower until our faces were inches apart. I could feel his breath against my mouth as he pulled his head closer, allowing his lips to taste mine, just for a second. I closed my eyes and pushed my face harder and closer to his savouring every second I could. it felt like a lifetime but in reality it was merely seconds our lips touched and parted. I could feel him now breathing in the scent of my hair before pulling back and dropping his head on the same pillow mine was on. I snuggled back closer into his embrace and allowed my eyes to shut. For the first time since a child, I had successfully managed to go to sleep during a storm.


End file.
